Now That Should Be in the Olympics
by Amanda Arnett
The Olympic Games. The best athletes from around the world competing for their country in hopes of bringing home a coveted gold medal. Masters of their craft, incredibly dedicated and determined, and with skills the majority of people do not possess, Olympians are truly amazing. But in light of the 2018 Winter Olympics, I would like to honor some additional activities that require such an extensive amount of dedication, talent, and precision, they are truly worthy being in a teenager’s Olympics.
1. Getting out of bed in the morning at the actual time your alarm goes off instead of 20 minutes later when you are late for school.
This amount of discipline genuinely astounds me.
2. Not blowing all the money you made at work this summer on food.
What teenagers buy the most is undeniably food, so anyone who possesses this type of self control is definitely worthy of an Olympic medal.
3. Opening a bag of chips in class without disturbing the silence of the room.
The classroom is dead silent, but your need to feed your famine is too much and you reluctantly decide to open a bag of chips. The moment has come. You open the bag and it sounds like an aluminium explosion. Everyone glares at you and you regret all your life decisions. Whoever can accomplish this in a less explosive manner, please share your secrets because the world needs to know.
4. Putting your dirty clothes into the hamper. I could count the amount of people I know who do this on a daily basis on one hand. If you are one of those few, that is some Olympic-worthy dedication to your craft.
5. Eating a whole Board and Brew sandwich then going to sports practice and not dying.
I still don’t think it’s possible.
6. To continue with that, eating Board and Brew in the car.
There is simply too much sauce to not spill it all over the place. If you have mastered this practice, someone needs to get you a medal ASAP.
7. Expressing yourself in ways other than memes.
Please, just please.
8. Taking a good selfie in direct sunlight.
Cue the applause.
9. Getting a popcorn kernel out of the back of your cheek when in gets stuck.
Yes I know you all know what I’m talking about because it is an utterly terrible feeling. To get it out you either need to have some extremely creative thinking, or be willing to sit there for thirty minutes poking your tongue around the inside of your cheek.
10. Parallel Parking
Why teenagers struggle so dearly at this the world will never know. But the task is not only intense, but requires the utmost precision that surely qualifies it for the Olympics.
So to all the teenagers who have mastered these activities, I strive to have your determination and skill. You truly are Olympians.